Dedicating Karsten

In the very early days after Karsten was born, my father-in-law was joking around with me, as he often does, analysing, complimenting, imaging the future Karsten, and offhandedly, he said “maybe he’ll become a missionary.”

My heart sank when I heard that. Here was my baby, weeks old, and I’ve waited months, in some way my whole life, to have him. How can I, right there and then, bear the thought of him leaving? How can you wish that upon a new parent? I admit I was a bit offended.

As the days and weeks and months passed, as I struggled to settle him to sleep, as his individuality became more and more apparent, I slowly realise that he isn’t, and will never be mine to own and govern. Maybe it grew out of exasperation at the thousand uncontrollable aspects of parenting. If nothing can be guaranteed at 8 months, how much less so at 18, 28, 38?

The only thing that is certain is that while I am fallible, there is someone who I can absolutely entrust my baby to – my Father in Heaven. And that is, first and last, a great relief.

All pressure to “make” your child believe falls away. I recently learnt that a friend’s daughter who is not yet four, has confessed that Jesus as her saviour. Hallelujah! I am happy for her and her godly parents. But then I started panicking that I have fewer than three and a half years before Karsten turns four and, would that be sufficient time for me to win him? Kirby pulled me right up - It is God, and God alone, who can save. Who am I to bend the will of a child into compliant assent? Pray for them! Testify to them! Love them! That is all a mother can do. Then I check myself again. “All”?! That is the most wonderful thing a mother can do!

If God is holding Karsten in the palm of His hand, if He is cradling him in the crook of his arm, where else has he to go? I will gladly have him serve the Lord all the days of his life. If God calls him to serve overseas, I could not be happier. It will hurt, but already I see that being a parent involves unspeakable joys and pain. People talk about "sacrificing" for God. Well as far as possessions go, your child is the dearest thing you can “give up”. That is, after all what God the Father experienced when He sent His only begotten Son into this world to save it from sin. How deep the Father’s love for us indeed!

Karsten was never to begin with, and will never be, mine to possess. But I hope he will be God’s everlasting possession. And this must be the calling of all Christian parents. Our children are given to us for a season to nurture, teach, cherish, enjoy, love, but may they never be bonded to us, but to Christ.

I hope and pray that Karsten grows up to love his parents. I love him oh so much. But I hope and pray that he loves Jesus more. I remember my mother-in-law saying once, “when he believes, that is your job done.” Is my calling as mother that simple?

I become more convinced when I think of Karsten’s conception, gestation and birth. No step, no detail had not been graced by the sovereign hand of God. Our obstetrician called Karsten a miracle baby. What a testimony Karsten will one day, God willing, come to understand and tell as his own! I pray that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to the day of completion.

Looking after an infant has been consuming and exhausting and I never had the time I imagined I would have to sit down and think through systematically the implications of dedication. But clarity suddenly emerged from the confusion tonight whilst I was doing the dishes. I want to dedicate Karsten to the Lord. I need to. I must. What else is there to do?

26 May 2010

Originally posted on our family website, July 2010