Why gender equity at work starts with gender equity at home (and not the other way round)

I was educated in a girls-only school from the age of six until I entered university. My husband was educated in a boys-only school from the age of eight until he entered university. He comes from what I call a “boy household” – two brothers. I come from a “girl household” – two older girls, then a much younger boy (8 years my junior).

I mention these personal facts to make the point that is at the heart of my argument – that our childhood experience of the different sexes is the most influential factor as to how we regard the sexes in adulthood. If we want to change discourse between the sexes in society, we need to start at age 5, not 35, or even 25.

When I entered the world of co-education aged 18, I was a champion of single sex education. I was brimming with confidence in the female ability (and statistically, girls are more academically able than boys). Girls from my school earned a negative reputation and I could not, for the life of me, understand why.

Fifteen years later, I can see the deficiencies in my understanding of the other sex and indeed, my own sex. So far as the actual study or work is concerned, perhaps I was not disadvantaged. But outside the classroom, where most of life occurs, I was terribly naïve.

From my observation, people from single sex upbringing can become either: over-developed in their sexual identity – identifying strongly and perhaps exclusively with the external characteristics of maleness (e.g. athleticism) or femaleness (e.g. beautification); or they can become under-developed in their sexual identity – that is, they do not appreciate the complex differences between the sexes or do not particularly enjoy their own gender, having developed their personhood in the absence of the opposite sex.

I belong to the latter category. I walked into my course expecting to be judged as a sexless human being but I could not negotiate the dance between the sexes. I admired my female peers who could be confident without being feminist, feminine without being a fading violet.

Project this to age 40, is it any wonder that aspiring women still complain of discrimination and objectification in the workplace? Could it not be due to the fact that the established majority, the men, have an overdeveloped maleness and naturally incline towards the all-boy culture that they knew in their formative years?

Perhaps one way to dismantle the old boys club is to rethink the old boys school. Of course, school is but one facet of childhood but for some, like myself with little socialisation outside of school, that was my entire world. I think boys too would find great relief in the company of girls. The all-male culture can be mercilessly aggressive and men, like women, occupy the whole spectrum of personality. They will find a space to be masculine without being macho, manly without being muscle-ly, a leader without being a jock.

When children from mixed-gender upbringing enter adulthood to interact with both men and women, they can be respectful and confident. Theirs is a confidence that comes from a deep understanding and acceptance of the other, and not an arrogance that comes from empowerment in the superiority of their own kind.   

And we would all get along better at age 45.

Back to the future with Jesus

When a person becomes a Christian, we repent of our rebellion against God and accept Christ as our righteousness. From then on, we entrust our lives to Him – our present and our future.

But what about our past? Past events. People. Things that happened to us. Does Jesus lay claim to our past too? Do we have to surrender our past in order to follow him?

What I mean is this. It is not as if God is in the business of doing weird time warps and undoing history that has already occurred – thankfully He will never retract the historical fact of Jesus’ death and resurrection! So the question is less of a practical, and more of a philosophical one – what if our past, everything that has made us what we are today, were to unravel? Sure, we have all done things in the past we would rather forget; but there are also many things we cherish and celebrate. Do we have to give those up too? Would we still praise God?

To illustrate, consider the parable of the rich ruler. When asked, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’, Jesus answered “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” The rich ruler walked away sad because he had great wealth.

Now imagine if Jesus had gone further, and said, “Not only do I ask you to give up your wealth, but I will erase from your former life everything that has contributed to what you are today.” What of it then?

Recently, I met someone who had lived through homelessness who challenged me deeply about what made me how I am. I thought to myself, what would I do if I were to be turned out onto the street tomorrow, homeless? I think I might manage to get to a Centrelink office and fill in a form. But my ability to do so is not because of some intrinsic virtue on my part. Something in my past, my upbringing, my education, has empowered me to do that. And so I am still hanging onto my own mental resources. I am still worshipping at the altar of the great “I” instead of the great “I Am”! We forget how much of what we are today, is owed to our past. Everyone is indebted for better or worse, to their past.

So I return again to the question: can you give up your past? What if you are not only required to give up a future life of comfort and ease but to give up the privileges of your past? What if you can no longer talk the way you do, think the way you do – and I’m not talking about being afflicted by some terrible disease or trauma in the future – what if you never had the opportunity in the first place? What if you are no longer you – Tommy from middle class Australia but born in the slums to illiterate parents who did not know the importance of reading to children or feeding them nutritious food? What if you were to lose your entire ancestry and heritage? Where is your identity then?

I finally conclude there is only one thing that reaches into our past far enough, past our parents, our grandparents, our ancestors, that is a sure foundation for who you are. Hear the words of St Paul,

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons thorough Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will. “ (Ephesians 1:4-5)

My answer: God's election. You could be born into any place, any era, any circumstance, but before you were conceived, before any iota of you came to be, you were predestined for adoption as God’s children.

It’s like this. In the movie “Back to the Future 2” (surely a retro film now) Michael J Fox had to travel back in time to make sure his mum got together with his dad so that he could exist. It’s a shaky thing to depend on, isn’t it, our parents getting together. Who our parents are. But our ultimate existence is not shaky if undergirding it is the sovereign creation and election by the Living God of the universe.

Have you ever known expectant couples and thought, ah yes, their child is going to grow up with much love and guidance, because of the values and the character of the parents – whether it’s a boy or girl, able-bodied or disabled, through the vagaries of life, their general trajectory and foundation is sure. Now imagine if your parent is God the Father. No wonder Paul is convinced that “neither death nor life, neither angels’ nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

This same friend I referred to before said, “My job is not my identity, my home is not my identity. Christ is my identity.”

Today I understood a little more of what that means. God’s grace grows a little bigger in my heart. Jesus’ claim over my past extends to more than just forgiveness of my sins. Everything I am I owe to Him alone and for that I must practise thankfulness. He is indeed my present, future and past, and all of it is to be redeemed for His glory.